Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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