He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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