Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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