my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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