I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
