You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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