I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
