we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize