A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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