just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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