it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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