I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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