when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
