Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
