Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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