Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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