my phone needs a breathalizer
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
