We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
