bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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