what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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