you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
