it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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