I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
