While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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