I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
