I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
