We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
