Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
