Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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