I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
