i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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