I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
