Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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