My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
