I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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