I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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