Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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