You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
