Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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