I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
