what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
