What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
