He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
