I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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