see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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