you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk is a universal language darling
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
