A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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