Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
