Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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