if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
