I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
