you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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