after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
