sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
