i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
