4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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