Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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