I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
