You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
