Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
