grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This house was built for laser tag.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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