I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
