I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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