my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
