I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
