I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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