You're so nebulous sometimes
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
