so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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