We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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