Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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