i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
