The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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