I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
