hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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