OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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