At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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