my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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