she woke up with a sticky ear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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