its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
