bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
