sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize