I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
