Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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