Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
